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Sunday, November 26, 2006 They were barely even here before they left again. I wasn't there to say welcome when they arrived, and I wasn't there to say goodbye when they departed. Although it is true that these things do happen, such a fact is no comfort to the recently bereaved. So, a moment of silence for the 5 sparks that have, for a brief moment, brightened my life. Saturday, November 25, 2006 My hamsters have given birth!!!! And they didn't tell me!!!!   I think I'm more excited than the actual father.. haha.. 5 pink, wriggling, healthy baby hamsters (and 1 more DOA..). The first-time mother is fumbling around, looking for a suitable place to nest her babies. The first-time father is.. somewhat indifferent, haha.. And I'm.. going to start mugging again soon =P Friday, November 24, 2006 Cute.  I must be getting old.. every semester I feel more lethargic than the last.. Thursday, November 23, 2006 Bad stuff in the head is like bad stuff in the tummy. Puke it all out and you'll feel better. Played a bit of hockey today and although my ankle hurt it was good to hold a stick and dribble the ball and sweat in the hot sun. It's a good break from sitting down all day and mugging, too. I'm losing my touch, gotta practice. Jan 2 is the Inter-Hall Games and the team's not ready! I'm not ready, either. Gotta train hard to make up for the injury setback. All my life I've asked to be accepted, and loved, and once again it is a case of trying too hard. So, at least for now, the world can deal with me on my terms. I don't think they're too unreasonable. Tuesday, November 21, 2006 Sherman's Lagoon always makes me laugh.  Yesterday was traumatic.. I had an assignment due yesterday. I intended to study this week so I cleared it last Friday -- a little too easily. Smelling a rat, I posted a question on the forum asking if something was wrong if I solved it so easily. Yesterday afternoon the lecturer finally deigned to reply that, yes, something was probably wrong with what I had. I took a look and alamak, I was missing a lotta brackets which made my proofs trivially true. So I spent the entire afternoon and the entire night working feverishly at the damn thing, throwing my painfully crafted schedule out the window. And I still didn't manage to complete the stupid thing. I ended up submitting the thing online minus 1 proof out of 7. Trying to catch up on 6 hours of lost studying time in 1 day (i.e. today) is proving impossible.. After 2 hours I don't know what I'm reading anymore. That's why I'm taking a break now. Serves me right for taking my 1st Level 3000 module all by myself.. Sunday, November 19, 2006 Brought my family to the Thai restaurant that I went to with Duane, Windz and PF some time ago, the one beside Tiong Bahru Market. Been meaning to bring them there for a while already, because food is cheap and good and the portions are big and I think it'll suit the palate of my picky parents, even though it was Thai cuisine. Ordered pretty much the same stuff I had the previous time, except that my parents didn't want fatty stuff so ordered beancurd and brinjals instead of the boiled pork. My parents were quite impressed with the food and the prices, and the whole family enjoyed the meal. And I treated them! =D At my insistence. Anyway it was only ~$50, for 4 people it is a real bargain for a good and filling meal. Haven't quite started studying, because I still can't get started.. So slacked the weekend away doing whatever I like.. Oh and I went for my medic's birthday BBQ.. haven't seen the guys from my unit for so long, I've forgotten all their names! No big shots there, all small fry ex-NSF, all been through tough times and stuck through it together and took care of each other. One thing about my medic, he is a good judge of people, and I'm not trying to praise myself here, but everyone else from the unit who was invited are good people, people who didn't backstab and weren't selfish (which is why I wonder why I was invited.. Sadly I ain't free from guilt). So we had a great time catching up, and talking about the bad old days, and about how the unit is now, and where all the b**tards are now.. And I almost miss those times, although it was tough then it was also simpler. I was also simpler then. Maybe that's why we'll miss the "good old days".. It's not the hopscotch and five stones and playing soccer using a crushed packet drink that we miss, rather it is the us, then, that we miss.. We miss looking at the world simply, through rose-tinted glasses, we miss the innocence, the total lack of responsibility, we miss being carefree and having not a care in the world. Which then reminds me of this song: The Beatles - Yesterday ---------------------------- Yesterday, All my troubles seemed so far away, Now it looks as though they're here to stay, Oh, I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be, There's a shadow hanging over me, Oh, yesterday came suddenly. Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday. Yesterday, Love was such an easy game to play, Now I need a place to hide away, Oh, I believe in yesterday. Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday. Yesterday, Love was such an easy game to play, Now I need a place to hide away, Oh, I believe in yesterday. To a certain someone: Hi, long time no talk. But I still need more time. Just to be sure. Saturday, November 18, 2006 So, this is the official pre-mugging post, where I document the state of my head so I can resume it once I switch back out of mugging mode. It is imperative that I clear my head before I start mugging for exams, else nothing will get in. Last semester despite heavy odds I managed it, so this semester should be ok, too. Over the past few days 2 people have told me that I'm changing. One said that I'm becoming "uncle", while the other said that I'm no longer the fun-loving, happy-go-lucky guy that I was. Really? I mean, I observe myself and I think that I have indeed lost most of my sense of fun, but I'm pinning it down to different circumstances rather than a change in personality. Last time there was nothing to worry about so I was focused on having fun. Now I'm feeling the weight of responsibilities, and the importance of every decision, every action I make. If I spend my whole day with brows locked, how am I going to have fun? But I admit, I should lighten up nevertheless.. "Free your mind from worries - Most never happen." Every morning I wake up and immediately I start thinking about what happened yesterday and what's going to happen today and I can't go back to sleep even if I want to. Like today. I've been.. slipping back into darkness.. back to a time when everything around me falls into disrepair, when the vines grow and the walls crumble and cobwebs gather, when I cannot be bothered about anything at all, when I live day to day with eyes unseeing and ears not hearing and a heart of stone. I know precisely what's causing this, and regrettably this seems like a necessary stage to snapping out of it. So all I can do is try to make this stage end faster. The question, though, is how? And it isn't the first time that L and I are upset with W. We are quite justified in saying that he takes from us and gives to others. Normally when he disappoints us L and I will just carry on ourselves, but luck has it that I'm in a malaise and so I let L down also. I think W is being irresponsible and I think he owes both of us an apology for breaking a promise. Apparently he doesn't think so, and he's trying to act as if nothing's happened. And it's hard to demand an apology when the person doesn't feel he is in the wrong. just like it's impossible to demand love when a person doesn't feel she's in love. So I give him a bit of cold shoulder, and hopefully he'll do some self-reflection and see what he could have done differently. It's been 2 weeks, and I've been obediently resting my foot (which hasn't helped my mood at all, because I love to play sports), but it still hurts. And on Thursday when I did some jogging to test it, it was still perceptibly weak and I was using my other muscles to compensate for it (which was what led to this injury in the first place). I'm almost worried enough to see a chiropractor about it. I have to get well in time to resume training after the exams. I'm so sorry, this post is all about my worries and nothing else. And I haven't even touched on all of my personal worries, and nothing at all about my worries as Hockey captain, and in all the other posts I'm holding. But let me just park these here, and I'll park the rest somewhere else, because I can't go for a marathon with a full pack on my back. Monday, November 13, 2006 MADRID (Reuters) - A Spanish town council has vowed to banish sexism from street signage by demanding half of all road signs and traffic lights show female figures with skirts and ponytails. Fuenlabrada, which lies south of the capital Madrid, will replace old and damaged road signs and traffic lights with new stock within a year. "In this way the sexism which until now has seen only masculine figures appear in traffic signals will be brought to an end," the town council said in a statement. The council, which said it would ask manufacturers to incorporate female figures in their signs, would not cost taxpayers a penny. Hilarious. I mean please, what's the point? While they're at it, why not replace all the figures with pictures of hot Spanish girls? Then the women get their feminine figures, and I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind one bit. Sunday, November 12, 2006 It's been a crazy week (and still is). 2 projects due on Monday and a presentation on Tuesday. I didn't realise the deadlines were so close together, during my stupor the past 2 weeks, and now they've managed to ambush me totally. Still, I took some time off to watch Click today, since PF so highly recommended it in her blog. And it's touched me. I couldn't stop the wet eyes and I barely managed to refrain from sobbing when Michael saw his dad for the last time. Even though I don't have a Universal Remote Control, sometimes the way I live my life is little different from the autopilot Michael goes into when he fast forwards. And at the end of the day I, too, feel disoriented by how much things around me have changed when I snap out of autopilot. .. I went back to look at my work and I lost my train of thought.. Haha.. Wednesday, November 08, 2006 Most days I feel like them.. haha..
Sunday, November 05, 2006 It's been a happening week! Monday was spent preparing for Tuesday's short talk presentation.. a 3-minute presentation took me the whole night and half of Tuesday morning to prepare.. In the end the script was pretty well done but I did not deliver it very well (the lack of sleep and practice might have something to do with that) although I still got a decent grade for it. Tuesday night was Halloween night and it was great fun watching people get scared and hearing them scream and squeal. Feedback from the visitors was that our section was the scariest and we were certainly happy that our hard work paid off! Wednesday was Hockey PT which I went for despite spraining my ankle last Saturday.. I got through it ok but my ankle wasn't very happy. The lads were in fine spirits and are slowly gelling as a team which makes me happy. Still having trouble finding a proper location for trainings, and that's really bugging me right now.. Thursday was Area Cleaning Day! Finally tidied up my room, which was starting to resemble a crypt, and my hamsters' cage. Which made 3 living things very happy. But my hamsters seem to be suffering from malnutrition, they're losing their fur. Gotta find some way to make them stop being picky about their food. Friday was Nite Cycling. "Single bike is unglam". Great fun cycling all over Singapore, playing mini-games and taking photos. Tandem cycling is actually fun, and I must thank Eve for being such a great and accommodating partner! Saturday was touch rugby training.. after only 3.5 hours of sleep.. although my captain told me to rest my foot I told him I'll just play till it hurts.. then ended up playing for 2.5 hours.. until my foot gave way when I was making a turn. Luckily it's nothing major, but I gotta rest the foot for 2 weeks.. which means I'll miss the rest of the pre-exam training.. Didn't manage to meet PF and Duane that night.. hopefully this Tuesday will be ok for everyone. Today was rest day.. went for Qigong lesson, then drove dad around, then went back and played all afternoon. I don't expect anyone to wade through all of the above.. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong again.. Seems like I always do the wrong thing at the wrong time.. But I suppose it's all fate, so I'll just keep doing what I think I should, and accept whatever comes. Right now I think I should sleep.. So goodnight. |
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