The Human Instrumentality Project

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Well, I'm going for an orientation camp tomorrow! 5 days and 4 nights, with a break in between for the DSTA scholarship award ceremony. We're going to Ubin on the first day, and to OBS as well. It's only last week that I said goodbye to that place, and I don't miss it yet, haha. I hope they don't ask us to do the inverse tower yet again!

Spent the weekend mostly at home, listening to music, playing some games and generally getting some much needed QT. The whirlwind of the past few weeks has left my life in a chaotic state, and I'm starting to forget things left and right. This weekend's like the eye of the storm, before I hit the whirlwind again for another couple of weeks. Should have spent this weekend putting things back in order and settling some admin but instead I wasted it lazing around or thinking too much. It's a vicious cycle, when things're messed up I don't feel like working and when I don't work things rarely get better by themselves. I think I really need a kick in the ass, literally. Anyone would like to do me the favour?

Had a nice, long SMS volley with ying yesterday, made me realise again how much I miss talking to her, and squabbling with her. Made me realise also how many friends I miss, and want to ask out, but can't right now. Hopefully they'll still be free when I become free. I can probably squeeze some outings in next next week. Hehe everyone reserve some time then for me, ok?

Friday, June 24, 2005

These few weeks have been like rafting down the rapids -- been dragged up, down and through life at a speed faster than I'm used to, just going along with wherever the current takes me. Now I'm a little dis-oriented, don't know where I am now, and where I am headed next. So I'm gonna take the weekend "off", and sort out everything, get my bearings and hopefully rest up for the weeks ahead. It's gonna be back-to-back camps for me, first to the SoC (School of Computing) Orientation camp, then hopefully to the Gen-Acts camp. And in between there's the scholarship award ceremony, and the dance performance we're putting up at the event. And there's hostel matters to settle as well, including moving in and settling down. And meanwhile there're driving lessons to attend (I missed one today already, $33 down the drain just like that), ying's DVD-writer to get (does she herself still remember??), a laptop to buy, my business to develop.. The list goes on and on. Good, it's time I started warming-up anyway, because it can only get more hectic once I start school.

On the train one of these days, can't remember which day it was, but I remember one scene. This mother and her son, about 4 years old, boarded the train at the same station as I did. The boy was all excited about his train ride, and he tried to tell his mother about everything he saw. His mother, on the other hand, was interested in her son's spelling.
"Mummy, train 来了!"
"Train 怎样 spell?"
"哇, 里面很多人leh!"
"是啦,是啦,跟 Mummy 讲 Train 怎样 spell?"
"Mummy, 为什么里面这样多人?"
"快点讲, Train 怎么 spell, 不然 Mummy 打你呵!"

Not word for word, but she really did threaten to hit her son. I pity the child, to have such a mother, who cares not for his emotional development but only for his intellectual development. This, I feel, is the kind of parent who will burden her child with hours of lessons and tuition, and leave no time for fun and games and exploration. The boy will sadly have little childhood to speak of, if his mother continues to be thus obsessed. So depressing...

Thursday, June 23, 2005

I realise that I'm a person who needs a lot of QT (Quiet Time), no matter how hard I try to be otherwise. There are just some times when all I want to do is hide in my room and be with no one but myself for a little while. There are some times when I want that but I can't have that. Then I try to act normal and suppress it but I come across as quiet and moody. People who really know me, they're used to that. People who don't, well, they just have to get used to it, I suppose. Though of course I'll still put effort into changing myself and coping better with my wants.

I've been in that mood for a few days already, since Monday, but I can't really get any time to myself because of dance practice and my attempts to connect with everyone from my family to old friends to new friends. The DSTA scholars are really an amazing bunch of people, and I'll really like to get to know them better, but when I'm in that mood I start acting like a wet blanket. I hope it doesn't affect them too much.

But I feel better today already. Being out with Windz and Duane and PF is just so fun, I can go out with them in almost any mood. It's amazing how we've only been together in the same class for 3 months yet we get along so well together. Especially with us all going our separate ways after that. It's just wonderful when we sit down and talk about anything and everything, and we joke and we laugh and we gossip and we reminisce about times gone by. I hope everyone else had a good time today as well!

It's the auditions for the dance tomorrow. Gotta wake up early tomorrow morning for some private practise, I do feel a bit guilty about skipping today's practice, but no regrets. Tomorrow I'm gonna make sure my part goes smoothly!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Back from OBS! Haha it was a really fun 5 days at Pulau Ubin. My previous 9-day experience really helped this time round, because the obstacles were the same, the expedition was the same! The different group of people I was with made the experience this time different, however, and I am thankful to the guys and gals who were with me this time for that. If you want to know more, ask me yourself! It's too much to write down.

Really tired right now, but there're still things to be settled. I almost didn't want to come back, back to face my responsibilities and the life that I left in a mess. But if nothing else, OBS taught me to face challenges head-on, that I can overcome them as long as I try.

Friday, June 10, 2005

DSTA Orientation is so fun! Credit to the organisers for an amazing 3 days. First day was dreary, briefings and lunch with the big shots and a meet-the-mentor session which my mentor couldn't attend. Second day was more interesting with a course on personal image and an amusing psychologist. Third day was even more fun with dining lessons, wine appreciation and cooking! Hehe my cooking turned out ok, wouldn't win competitions but at least palatable. Credit of course to Flora who did a wonderful job teaching us, and the SHATEC helpers! And to my partner, whose frequent laughter kept the mood light. Looking forward to next week's OBS! Heard from reliable sources that's it's gonna be Residential SeaEx, which is my ideal! Hooray!


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I'd hoped to be able to write this today:

"I've spent the past 2 days rearranging my stuff, both physically and mentally, and I'm happy to report that, once again, things are more or less in order. I feel all ready to face the days ahead!"

But it is not to be. Yes, I did spend the past 2 days sorting out my stuff, physically and mentally. I threw out a lot of unnecessary stuff, send another chunk to the storeroom, and generally cleared the clutter on my shelf and in my mind.

But there's still so much lying strewn about the place. There's still some stuff that I've not gone through, some stuff that I don't know what to do with, and everything's still very much in a mess. Just that something that's been that way for a long time ceases to be noticed. And no one really looks in those unlit corners, or in rarely used drawers.

I don't know how long I'll take to sort everything out. Maybe never, at the rate at which new stuff comes in begging to be included in the general clutter. Messy table, no problem. I don't use it much anyway. But messy mind, troublesome. Because whether I want to or not I use it all the time.

Well, just need a space to let out some steam, then it's back to tidying and archiving and discarding. And I'll be out of action for a while, it's my DSTA orientation starting today till next Friday, including a fun-filled 5-day OBS course. So if you can't reach me next week, Don't Panic.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Eh, hi everyone! Wanted to post but I'm gonna be late for my driving lesson... Maybe when I come back tonight.

Yesterday was strike two. One more chance to bat before we're out. Suddenly I'm not sure. Very unsure. I think I'm wasting my time and energy and going to bits for nothing. Putting aside my business, my personal life, thinking almost all the time about what was, what can be, what should be and what I can do to make it a reality. Well, I'll only be a fool for so long. Hopefully it hasn't already been too long...

My friends

Sheares Hall Acers


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