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Thursday, May 27, 2004 If you haven't been to www.boombastick.net, you should seriously go visit it. The latest episode has me in tears, I couldn't stop laughing. Go and take a look, I'm sure you'll like it. Did an interesting little test today... Here are the results:
personality tests by similarminds.com Rather accurate, I must say. Try it for yourself. I apologise for not posting for so long. There've been days when I feel like posting, but on those days I either get home late and tired, or my brother's using the computer, or I'll find some other excuse/reason not to blog. And I do not like blogging about yesterday's events, after I've had time to process them in my head. Such posts will not accurately reflect what I feel, rather they'll reflect what I've decided to feel. Sounds confusing? I think most people with blogs of their own will understand what I mean. Plodding on with life, task after task after task, and I just do them, and steal a few moments of rest, then it's off to the next one. Yet when I'm home I do not give myself any rest, as though I trying to tire myself out on purpose. At home it's games, or books, or newspapers, with no time allocated to rest. I'm trying to lead a double life, spending as much time on my own pursuits as I've had in the past, and therefore sacrificing sleep time, rest time. But there're so many things to do outside of work. Others live like that as well, spending their rest time pursuing their own interests, returning to the office in the morning to lie sprawled across their tables, sound asleep. There are still times when I long to see her again, even if from a distance, just to know that she's well and happy. A sadness wells up in me, born of regret at losing at least a worthy friend. But she is out of my life, and I've never been in hers. I trust to the heavens that a wonderful girl like her will have a blessed life, full of joy and laughter. Monday, May 17, 2004 I'm posting a lot while on standby. There's little else to do, thankfully. Anyway this is from standby again.. I've forgotten, for a while, what I'd discovered earlier: that everyone was having a hard time of his own. Today more work was piled on us, revealed during the platoon briefing. There's this image of tetris in my mind, of spare bricks piled high on one side while the majority of the playing field was empty. But as long as any one column hits the top, it's game over. With the amount of work we have to bear, there has to be some compromise in terms of quality. The brass had better know enough not to whine when things don't come up to par. Was sour throughout the morning, and sparred with the ops spec, YFU, trying to argue that I was busier than him. A passing officer set the record right, and I saw that, indeed, the ops spec was busier. At least I get periods of rest and peace. YFU's work is quite simply neverending. That realisation shut me up, and made me feel better. Indeed, I had no place to whine when all around me people were busy as well. On a side note, a message from an old old friend brightened up my day. There are so many people whom I've neglected over the years. Once good friends, now sadly like strangers. Others whom I've never made the attempt to know better, to see beyond the mask they put on for the world. I have been too comfortable in my little island within the metropolis, content with a cycle of eat-play-sleep on my rest days. Then again, it seems to be all I have energy for, and I've fallen asleep in front of the computer before. That's partly why I'm such a fan of blogs now, for they are small gateways to people, to friends, that help ensure that even in my island, I'm not so alone after all. Anyway, I think Blogspot's commenting service is imperfect. It logs the time comments were posted, but not the date. I'm tempted to return to Haloscan. The new features don't seem to be very useful so far, as though they're merely gimmicks little practical use. Hopefully that'll change in the weeks to come. Meanwhile I'm SERIOUSLY contemplating a return to Haloscan comments.. JQ was right in noting in an earlier post of his that we seldom post about happy news. As humans we seem more predisposed to whining than to cheering. Therefore I've been distressed by some of the entries I read, by what some friends are going through. As some form of consolation, let me share with everyone some lyrics... -------------------------------------- Always Look on the Bright Side of Life -------------------------------------- Some things in life are bad, They can really make you mad, Other things just make you swear and curse, When you're chewing life's gristle, Don't grumble, Give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best. And... Always look on the bright side of life. [whistle] Always look on the light side of life. [whistle] If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten, And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing. And... Always look on the bright side of life. [whistle] Always look on the right side of life, [whistle] For life is quite absurd And death's the final word. You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin. Give the audience a grin. Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow. So,... Always look on the bright side of death, [whistle] Just before you draw your terminal breath. [whistle] Life's a piece of shit, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And... Always look on the bright side of life. Always look on the right side of life. [whistle] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistle] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistle] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistle] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistle] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistle] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistle] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistle] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistle] Repeat to fade... Thursday, May 13, 2004 Apologies for not posting for a week. I've been engrossed over a game called X2 - The Threat. I did my IPPT yesterday. GOLD!!! By accident, actually, I wasn't even aiming for gold. But it's a grand achievement for me and naturally I'm buoyant. In top management's latest attempt to make life more miserable for us, there's been a shuffle of parking spaces for our standby stores and standby bunks. The new locations make the daily checking of stores even more of a chore than they already are. But the top management are probably petting themselves on the back for a job well done. the brass in my unit are certainly doing work, but the value of their work is certainly in doubt. I'll so much like to say to them, "Quality is better than quantity," but life does not work that way, sadly. It is instinctive to judge performance through amount of work done rather than value of work done, and to receive a good assessment it is always salutary to look, act and be busy. Even the benefits and welfare they claim to give are farcical and more for the sake of outsiders than for us. A proposed Enlistees' Mess is going ahead despite frosty reception by the enlistees themselves. During a recent poll conducted by the RSM, only 6 out the almost 100 enlistees indicated interest in it. However the CO is unfazed and unstoppable, his way is THE way. Maybe I should carve on his door: IF IT AIN'T BROKEN, DON'T FIX IT. Maybe just before I swap my 11B for my old pink IC. A sudden spark of clarity tells me maybe it ain't the CO's suggestion after all. But, as the ultimate approving authority, he has to bear at least some of the blame. Therefore it'll still be ok for me to deface his office door. And maybe shout into his ear a bit. Ah, as the years slowly go by, as I near the end of my 2nd decade of life and prepare to step into my 3rd, the illusions are bursting like soap bubbles, the ideals and enthusiasms of youth have recoiled at the face of reality. What's left is resignation, and hopefully, soon, a determination not to be cowed by the world. After all, if I can't beat them, why not join them? And get something out of it for myself in the end. There is no alternative to that, anyway. No decent alternative, anyway. Tuesday, May 04, 2004 This is from camp. I'm on standby today. I've lost my angst!! Can't write anything of substance here.. Though I tried to today. I don't know whether this is good news or bad news.. On the bright side, I'm happier than before. On the flip side, this blog's gonna become a boring, "brushed my teeth fed the dog went to work" type of blog. Or maybe not... Today I tried, as usual, my best to try my best. Sounds funny but effort is required to sustain effort. =P For a while last week I contemplated pinning the words "YOU SUCK" above my bed, to be the first thing I see when I wake up. A message to myself everyday that I'm not there yet, that I cannot be complacent, that I cannot slacken off. But that'll freak my parents out as well. Anyway message received, people around me constantly remind me, through my effort, that I cannot slack off. I don't want to be condemned again. Sadly, B is still in fairyland. I have no idea how to warn him without him taking it the wrong way. His carelessness has earned the ire of the others again today. How long will things go on before the air becomes too sour to ignore? Things are just different since the four of us entered the platoon. Then again, was it really a fairytale before us? Probably not, come to think of it. Like it or not, office politics and a whipping boy will always exist wherever there's an office. Humans like to compare everything and anything. My mother used to say, "人比人, 气死人". Comparing has many ill effects, especially when workloads are compared. Everyone feels his workload is heavier than the others; everyone think it is unfair that he has a harder time than the others. One complains about preparing stores for an upcmoing operation on his own; another fumes that he is in charge of indentments, and has more paperwork than the others; another is always 'arrowed' by the platoon commander, and thinks, "Why not the others?" And the unhappiness between them builds like water swelling behind a dam. One day the dam bursts, and there is major fallout. The alternative is a big pool of dead water that fouls the amosphere. What for, what for? Equality is an ideal. Ideals only exists in people's imaginations. Fairness is an ideal as well. The world is only equal, and fair, in the eyes of the privileged. Or, that is what the unprivileged like me like to think. But in actual fact it is never fair. Since that is the reality, why complain when it is not fair? It never was fair. Rather than seethe over the fact, and start blaming others for the fact, why not just accept it as it is? Ooh, have I found some angst again? I am pleased that I lost it for a while, or thought I did. I should have known better. Well, it's something everyone should learn. To lose their angst, forget their troubles, for a while. To breathe air easy, like a 3-year-old with nothing weighing his mind down. To be genuinely happy, if only for a while. And when the troubles come back, blog it all out. And then feel better again. I think I got the perfect quote to end this off with: "Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything." - Mary Hemingway |
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