Thursday, May 31, 2007 I'm just going to lift this straight from Windz's blog There is nothing either good or bad. But thinking makes it so. Who still remembers 勇士之城 (aka Takeshi's castle) from long long ago? Go youtube and search for it: lots of cool highlight clips from the UK translation. Wednesday, May 30, 2007 Right, so now there's a high correlation between the time when I'm in the office and the time when we're all slacking in it. So when I took half day off yesterday suddenly everyone had a most productive afternoon. Maybe for the sake of everyone they should let me work from home. =P And the 4 of them turned up today in black shirt and jeans, and I'm the odd one out in brown pants and a cream polo-T. How much conspiracy has been going on against me while I was out last afternoon, I wonder? =S There's been some talk about blogs and what they're for and who reads them, anyway? Well I can't say for the others, but I've never assumed that what I type here is read. In fact I know that most people don't read my blog. So why do I address people here, sometimes? D was asking, why blog, why not just talk to people directly? Well, some things are hard to say face to face lah, and sometimes, like now, things occur to me some time after the conversation has passed. Quite weird if I call you now and say, "hey remember the conversation we were having last saturday? Well blah blah.." right? So, yah I know that's not the point, but then I'm not sure what is, and I didn't know what else I could say. I haven't been feeling quite right the past 2 days, and yada yada excuses excuses. But I really dunno what to make of everything. This morning my dad accused me of being selfish. It hurt, and normally I'll get sore and defensive and protest hotly. But today I kept quiet and started thinking about it and yes, while selfish is a pretty unfair adjective to use, I admit that I've been so focused on what I want and what I need and forgotten to spare thought for people around me. Mom's still not feeling too right and because of that Dad's pretty stressed out, and I really should do more to ease his burden. Ok enough of slacking it's time to do some work. I've got to produce something to report by Friday.. From my horoscope for 29th May: Duct tape your mouth shut. Keeping quiet may seem impossible, but if you let go and spout off, you'll be starting something that won't end easily. Ssshh!Hmm, a bit late to follow that advice now, isn't it? Thanks KT for the company for most of the day. I realised that it's quite rare for you to be free, and at such short notice too. Maybe that's where all the luck went, huh? There's nothing like a good friend when Murphy's Law is in full force. =) Tuesday, May 29, 2007 And all that remains from my censorship is this line: The waves convey, and they conceal. And I've just reaffirmed that I am an optimist, because I think I've found the silver lining. Am I being very petty? Ahahahaha.. But really, if you don't want to, just pretend that I never asked. There wouldn't be any point to it anymore, anyway. Saturday, May 26, 2007 It's frustrating, because I could have done so much better. What I've gotten is not an accurate reflection of my capabilities. It is yet another demonstration of what happens when I let my emotions get the better of me; when I lose discipline and focus; when I neglect to do what has to be done. And I'm sorry to my teammates, because most of us didn't deserve that awful grade we got, and for such an important module, too! Though everyone made mistakes, I didn't have to too. While I do not regret the paths I've chosen, I do regret the way I've walked them. I didn't walk fast enough, hard enough, such that when judgement came I was found wanting, the distance I've travelled lacking. ..Is that the case with everything else I've done? Thursday, May 24, 2007 Self-censorship is a bummer. Okay, fine. I think I've grown a little bit more mature. A little bit more persistent and resistant. I've learnt to keep my thoughts to myself, to stop yapping and most importantly of all to stop whining. Things haven't exactly been smooth-sailing and although the hand on the tiller may tremble but the course is straight and true and I really hope to end up somewhere this time. And.. Self-censorship IS a bummer. ;-) Phantom Of The Opera - All I Ask Of You Lyrics Raoul: No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears; I'm here, nothing can harm you, my words will warm and calm you. Let me be your freedom, let daylight dry your tears; I'm here, with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you. Christine: Say you'll love me ev'ry waking moment; turn my head with talk of summertime. Say you need me with you now and always; promise me that all you say is true, that's all I ask of you. Raoul: Let me be your shelter, let me be your light; you're safe, no one will find you, your fears are far behind you. Christine: All I want is freedom, a world with no more night; and you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me. Raoul: Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime; let me lead you from you solitude. Say you need me with you, here beside you, anywhere you go, let me go too, that's all I ask of you. Christine: Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word and I will follow you. Together: Share each day with me, each night, each morning. Christine: Say you love me... Raoul: You know I do. Together: Love me, that's all I ask of you. Anywhere you go let me go too Love me... that's all I ask of you. Monday, May 21, 2007      Friday, May 18, 2007 401st post! =) Ya know, maybe I'm quite healthy after all. It's taken 2 weeks of minimal sleep, half in an stale office with freezing temperatures and no windows and half in a house full of infirm, to make me fall sick. I'm pretty happy with this new health record so, uh, I'm not going to try breaking it during these holidays anymore. Yah right, I'm healthy. I can barely run 2km without huffing and puffing like the Big Bad Wolf after trying to blow down the brick house. =S Was talking about Jap food during lunchtime and I've got this really strong urge to eat Jap food now. Should eat my fill of good food now before I go on my grass diet in Sweden. =P Next week, once I get better! Maybe next Saturday, with JQ and PF. Onz? Or do you guys already have something in mind? It's unfair, I tell you. I've got all the physical symptoms of a fever: the chills, the rubbery limbs, the hot forehead; yet the thermometer mocks me with its reading: 36.7. Although I admit that I feel ok lah. Other than feeling a bit colder than usual, and having to breathe through my mouth like a goldfish. Actually the main reason for reporting sick is to spare my colleagues from my fate more than anything else lah. The whole house is like a sick bay, only with 4 patients and no doctors or nurses. Only the hamsters are still healthy, and after 2 weeks everyone is still amazed by them, and every once in a while someone will call the entire family to go and check out the hamsters' latest cute pose/sleeping position. The hamsters also seem pretty happy with their new environment, after all they're getting food and attention in overwhelming amounts. I'm pretty sure they've all grown fatter since they came. Oh yah PF, tomorrow I'll still make it lah, but maybe I'll just be the umpire while you and Duane play. So sian lor, to fall sick just before the weekend. =( Thursday, May 17, 2007 I was sitting in the car today, listening to my father drone on aboutcars and driving, when suddenly my body tensed up, and I felt really fired up, as though some big trouble is headed my way and I needed all my strength and wit to meet it head on. I don't know if it's sixth sense or just lack of sleep, and I don't know if it's about me or the person I was thinking about when it struck, so if you're reading this today, please take extra care. So anyway the whole house is still like a sick bay, and because I've been sleeping at my hall bedtime still, for the past week and a half, I've rejoined the legion of the ill with a very sore throat. But there just isn't enough time at night to do everything I want to, by the time I finish dinner it's 8 and I'm supposed to be in bed by 12?! Can't sleep at the office because I haven't found a good posture yet. =P So anyway please take care, everyone. Sunday, May 13, 2007  Friday, May 11, 2007 This was supposed to be posted at 9am.. But for some reason I couldn't access Blogger from the office. =(  Ok it is impossible to write a serious limerick. Because the essence of a limerick is humour and wit, and there's no such things as somberly funny. I wear a large smile to work today And it won't fade away, come what may It's 'most time to be free Go on a shopping spree Because hooray, Thank God It's Friday! =D It's amazingly easy to take someone for granted. Especially someone who is always there for you, who takes care to make sure that you eat well, sleep well and live well. Who cooks for you, washes your clothes, keeps your room clean. Who always has you at the back of her mind, and tries to accomodate you in everything she does. Some lucky bastards have 2 such people in their lives, but all of us have at least one. And, all the commercialised shit aside, at least the reticent ones among us have an excuse to let her(them, for the lucky bastards) know how much we love and appreciate her(them). On hindsight, the person I spoke to at length last night shouldn't read what's below lah, dun want to affect your mood and all, but I feel 不平 for you and I just gotta say this. And I just gotta say this: when a person does something wrong, s/he cannot just expect the wronged party (wrongee? =P) to get over it. Because although the wrongee should be gracious and do so, the wronger should be sorry also, and should express appropriate remorse (which is usually as simple as a sincere "Sorry"). Because, at least for me, the large black mark will not be given because of the wrong, but due to the lack of explicit remorse which seems to communicate a lack of regard, understanding and empathy for me and my feelings. It's not something I'd expect even from an acquaintance, much less anybody of higher "status". On a parallel track, it's not always "Sorry" for doing something wrong, sometimes it's "Sorry" for not doing anything right.. Thursday, May 10, 2007 It's hard to remain jolly and gay When there's work to be done everyday I'd much rather have fun Out in the morning sun But must wait till the next holiday. =S Wednesday, May 09, 2007 Newsmericks: A fool's paradise Limericks are fun =) Tuesday, May 08, 2007 There was once a young piglet named Tim Who didn't really know how to swim But he could hop on wat'r, on a tiny li'l trot'r Once he's drunk a bottle of Jim Beam. =) I really admire my Dad now, how he can slog all day then still take care of the family at night. He's the one who gets groceries after work, the one who buys back dinner when my Mum's not cooking. He's our chauffeur when we need him (which is why I'd rather take a cab than bother him, sometimes; I just want him to go straight home, have a nice long bath, then sit down and watch TV). He helps my mum with the dishes, he cuts fruits for everyone after dinner, and he's concerned enough to nag at me to settle my SEP stuff and clear my mountain-from-hall quickly. =S Me, I'm so drained I don't even want to play games, or do anything that taxes anything more than my cerebellum. But cannot lah, I gotta start now if I want to be, in the future, all that my dad is now. And more. =P Yah I know it's one month early.. And yes I'll post something nice about my Mum too. =) Yesterday marked the first day of work. Heh JQ they're stuffing most of the interns into one room.. I'll chop the table beside mine for you. =) My boss is nice, but he's given me one gigantic chunk of work and before I leave I must submit a 20+ page report and a 15 minute presentation. All by myself. Hooray. Yesterday's StarDust finals saw really high standards. Most of the singers were really really good, especially those that sang English songs. Eve was right in commenting that it's unfair to have English singers and Chinese singers compete together, I suppose. The qualities required are different, and someone who can sing English songs well probably cannot sing Chinese songs as well. And last year's winner really deserved to win lor, his singing of When A Man Loves A Woman is wonderful. And it happened again.. In the space of 5 hours, 3 different groups of people asked me out on the same day. There're 7 days to a week and about 30 to a month, but it's almost as if there's an official Gathering Day or something like that. I don't enjoy having to make such choices lor.. Now I'm slacking in my office, because I got here 45 minutes early, hitching a ride from my dad. If I were to come by myself, I'll have to leave house even earlier lor. The good thing is the Internet-capable PC I have all for myself, after all I'm working on IT stuff mah, definitely have PC one. Still, I'm all ready to start counting down to my second freedom *weak laughter*. (1st freedom was just last Friday lor =S) Sunday, May 06, 2007  Trip today to Malaysia was, to borrow a phrase, "hai hao la". One day trip meant everything was quite rushed and more time was spent on the bus than off it. Most amusing thing that happened was this frog that crawled out of the sink while I was washing my hands then proceeded to climb the wall with a speed that'll make lizards envious (I'll upload the video later, maybe). Most valuable thing that happened was my cousin helping me, for want of a better phrase, 茅塞顿开. Most horrible thing was ~50 aunties and grandmas jostling each other in a room packed with 6 altars (in a temple) that's only half the size of my living room (and no my living room's not big at all). And so ends my short "break" after the exams. Work starts tomorrow and there's also a tremendous amount of preparation for my exchange next semester, and I've gotta sort out the mountain I brought back from hall. I hope my boss is nice. =P Friday, May 04, 2007 On any long distance journey, it is not a good idea to hog the driver's seat, especially when one has no idea where we're going. Asking "Are we there yet?" doesn't really help, either. Anyway ambiguity is a fun game to play, is it not? Freedom in 3 hours! There were horror stories about this module during dinner last night, but I looked through the past year papers and I don't see what all that terror is about. Still, fingers crossed, and watch out for ladders and black cats. It's hard to restart mugging after a break, and my timetable went to pieces barely 2 hours into "take-off" on Wednesday. I'd rather 速战速决, never been a guy with much patience. Anyway Windz ganbatte! "It always rains like hell on Losers' Day Parade" - Goo Goo Dolls, Broadway Thursday, May 03, 2007   "You know, maybe you're just imagining things, being over-sensitive." "Yah, it's precisely this sort of thinking that turns men into idiots." Some things are better left unsaid, it's true. There are many other ways of getting messages across, and oft times there's no need to be too clear. That's the way I prefer things, too. But sometimes I restrain myself too much, and the message doesn't get across. Or sometimes I just don't know how to express myself. But no matter what, the message must get through, short of saying it straight if possible, and we just have to figure out more ways to let others understand what we have to say, and what we feel. And then of course there's that issue of ambiguity. Just like a close friend's story of this guy who's interested in her but she isn't interested at all. So she replies to his SMSes and MSN, and she goes out with him once in a long while, all within the realm of friends. But in truth she's scared of him. And I said, men are really dense creatures, you have to make your intentions clear to him, and especially if you're not interested you have to make it doubly clear. 朋友都没得作了吗？ Well, there might be a rare breed of men who can still be friends, but by default, no. And since then I've been wondering if I'm making the same mistake. Pits and wumpii (right? radius:radii, so wumpus:wumpii??) everywhere.. Wednesday, May 02, 2007 Here's the lyrics to the song on my blog: 古巨基 - 劲歌经曲 (第一章:天大的爱) 爱你我管不了是祸 未想过是为何 能爱著你苦也未去躲 有著我便有著你真爱是永不死 穿过喜和悲跨过生和死 See me fly, I'm singing in the sky 假使我算神话因你创更愉快 凭我彻底的勇气爱是最大权利 不理场面不伟大我共你始终同游生死 还有哪一种结尾花光一切在乎你 没有想过太多我只需要你 恋爱大过天 想不想也日夜怀念 连甜梦也不够甜 怎么闪同学始终会遇见 (第二章:讲情) Shall we talk? Shall we talk? 就当重新手拖手去上学堂 我带著情意 一丝丝凄怆 许多说话都仍然未讲 纵隔别遥远怀念对方 悲伤盼换上再会祈望 越问越伤心 明明无馀地再过问 明明知道衷心一吻 会有更亲厚质感 我说过要你快乐 让我担当失恋的主角 改写了剧情无言地飘泊 我想哭 你可不可以暂时别要睡 陪著我 像最初相识我当时未怕累 但如果但如果说下去 或者 我有说话未曾讲 你这刹那在何方 如何能连系上 与你再相伴在旁 如晨光 (第三章:日月星辰风雨潮) 太阳星晨即使变灰暗 心中记忆一生照我心 我的爱如潮水 爱如潮水将我向你推 紧紧跟随 爱如潮水它将你我包围 冷冷雨喔喔 没焦点因找不到你 冷冷雨低泣彷佛要等你经过 答应我你从此不在深夜里徘徊 不要轻易尝试放纵的滋味 你可知道这样会让我心碎 风继续吹 不忍远离 心里亦有泪不愿流泪望著你 各种空虚冷冷冷 吹起吹起风里梦 过去的心 火般灼热 今天已变了冰冻 来又如风 离又如风 或世事通通不过是场梦 人在途中 人在时空 相识也许不过擦过梦中 就算你壮阔胸膛 不敌天气 两鬓斑白都可认得你 (第四章:两个人) 别离没有对错要走也解释不多现代说永远已经很傻 随著那一宵去火花以消逝不可能付出一生那么多 也许相爱很难 就难在其实双方各有各寄望怎么办 要单恋都难 受太大的礼会内疚却也无力归还 Darling i want you 你竟不知 默默向风呆企去等心中戏子 曾无限次欲话我知却也停止 同是天涯沦落人 在这伤心者通道上同行 也许不必知道我是谁 无谓令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你令你 如何可以不爱他 莫非生命只配有一个他 到了没法相处 再去记他好处 凭回忆制造这自欺的笑话 随时日在远飞难舍弃 每次看见冷冬到访的你 那年冬天两心遇上没逃避 (第五章:浪情歌) 可以笑的话不会哭 可相知的心那怕追逐 可惜每次遇上热爱 没法使我感觉我终於遇上幸福 来忘掉错对 来怀念过去 曾共渡患难日子总有乐趣 不相信会绝望 不感觉到踌躇 在美梦里竞争每日拼命进取 世界将我包围 誓死都一齐 壮观得有如悬崖的婚礼 也许生於世上 无重要作为 仍有这种真爱会留低 (第六章:神爱世人) 祈求天地放过一双恋人怕发生的永远别发生 从来未顺利遇上好景降临如何能重拾信心 神啊救救我吧 一把年纪了 一个爱人都没有 孤独是可怜的 如果没爱过 人生是黑白的 僧人都不喜爱我 神你不欢喜我迫我入了魔 爱侣几百万 谁料我蠢得竟可重覆去犯错 (完结章:好心一早放开我) 吻下来豁出去 这吻别似覆水 再来也许要天上团聚 眼泪还是留给天抚慰 你是前度何必听我吠 别再做情人做只猫做只狗不做情人 做只宠物至少可爱迷人 和你不瞅不睬最终只会成为敌人 好心一早放开我 好心一早放开我重头努力也坎坷 统统不要好过来年岁月那么多 为继续而继续没有好处还是我 若注定有一点苦楚 不如自己亲手割破 谁得到过愿放手 曾精彩过愿挽留 年年月月逝去越是觉得深爱你 I can remember about 95% of the lyrics already, and sing it without referring. But I know if a certain someone hears it, she's gonna have a lot of comments about my Cantonese pronunciation. =P My favourite lines are: 别再做情人做只猫做只狗不做情人做只宠物至少可爱迷人 It's pretty amusing, and sometimes I do wish I could just be a pet, and be loved without needing to do anything, like my hamsters la, just eat and sleep, and can bite the hand that feeds it some more. And I think I'm not the only one who has a lot to learn.. Newton's Third Law is being violated here, and so what little physics knowledge I've gleaned is useless. In AI there is always this dilemma of Exploration vs Exploitation, where the next move is either to maximize gains based on current knowledge or to gain new knowledge and make future moves better, but right now everywhere I look I see pit or wumpus so I'm gonna have to stop and wait for something to happen. And even if things aren't as hairy as I think they are, according to the Central Limit Theorem it could still go either way, "so I said to my heart, 'Be still, and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing.'" And try as I might I cannot weave Software Engineering or Nation Building into this. =P The CLT part is stretching it already. Wonder if I can make a playlist here, because playing one song on my blog simply ain't enough. Anyway here's a nice song from long ago, when some of us were probably still in diapers and sucking on pacifiers: 巫启贤 - 你是我的唯一 词|邢增华 曲|巫启贤 编曲|吴庆隆 很想给你写封信 告诉你这里的天气 昨夜的那一场电影 还有我的心情 很想给你写封信 却只是想想而已 我已经不能肯定 你是不是还会关心 爱与不爱都需要勇气 於是我们都选择了逃避 爱与不爱都需要勇气 於是我们都选择了逃避 或许你不相信我很满意 这样的结局 或许你不相信 我没有一丝的埋怨和悔意 虽然你是我的最初 虽然你是我的最终 虽然你是我的唯一 |
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