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Thursday, June 26, 2008 I've begun pondering the direction this blog should take. To begin with it was an outlet for me, a way for other people to understand me, things and thoughts that I'll never say in person to anybody. It then also became a way for close friends to keep in touch, during the times when we were in different countries, or simply too busy to meet up and chat. At this stage it has become an announcement board for me, where I say things and actually hope for people to read them. In the beginning the blog was very personal, where I said plainly what I went through and what I felt. But I've never wanted this to be a shallow blog that simply gives a blow-by-blow account of the day. So I tried to be more philosopical, talk more about the big picture of things. Now the blog has degenerated into a rant, it's all about my unhappiness and sadness, and I think that's even more worthless than if I'd just talked about my day. I hope to return this to its roots, when I just write as though no one reads this, when my words have no target audience, no hidden message, and no need to bury everything under layers of analogies and vague statements. I'm not sure how possible it is with this blog, maybe I'll have to start another one, and let the whole cycle begin anew. Maybe I should just stop blogging, and simply call-a(n-unfortunate)-friend when I need to rant. I'll make a decision regarding this soon, I think. Inaction is perhaps the greatest mistake of all. One of my weaknesses has always been indecision at crunch time. Despite my apparent self-confidence and assurance, when it comes to that 千钧一发 moment I always tend to miss the opportunity. I think too much, hesitate too much. And then, sometimes, ironically, I do something at random and it turns out to be the wrong thing to do. Once again, I feel that I have come to this instant, when everything hangs on the balance of my actions. But my original decision was to be silent and observe. And I have no idea what to do, even if something has to be done. Will I make a mistake again?
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