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Monday, March 24, 2008 "由爱故生忧，由爱故生怖；若离于爱者，无忧亦无怖。" -- 射雕英雄传 Yesterday we sent my uncle on his final journey. He lived a good life: a dutiful wife, 3 filial children, and 3 adorable grandkids. He had been ailing for the past couple of years already, so it came as no surprise when his condition took a turn for the worse last week. Going away is a release from the agony his body had been giving him. But my heart aches for all those he left behind, who now have to face life without him. It hit my parents hard too: my uncle doted on my mum, who's almost 20 years younger, and my dad used to hang out a lot with him. Then last night, my granddaughter told me that she's found out her boyfriend was two-timing her. She's being very brave about it, and I hope she gets over it soon. So yeah, I've seen a fair amount of tragedy over the weekend. But it really scares me that my uncle has "broken the trump". My parents' generation has now reached the age when they will begin to pass on, one by one. And I fret that I will not have enough time to be filial to my parents, to let them enjoy life and all the things they've wanted to but never could, because of money or time constraint or because of us kids. But right now I can barely take care of myself, how will I take care of them? I need to grow stronger. I'm not ready to take care of anybody yet. And I guess, this quest I must undertake alone. I thought I could find someone whom I can lean against, and who can lean against me also. But I can't and shouldn't wait, or hope. I must figure it out by myself.
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