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Monday, December 17, 2007 Honestly, I'm a disaster waiting to happen. I care too much yet can't be bothered to do anything about things at all. It's all a simple matter of reaping what I sow: what I get is proportional to the amount I put in, so if I wanna go and have high hopes for things then I gotta have the will and persistence to do whatever it takes to realise my hopes. But I'm really disappointed with the graphics project because it didn't even come up to half of what I imagined. And hoped. The parts I did came out ok, but everything else was just a letdown. I think any of us could have done a better job by himself. What upsets me is not so much what the others did or did not do, but that I just did what I was given to do and basically did not even think about the project after I'd handed over my part. I am reminded of a realisation I had in the army, that there were some people whom I could not trust with anything less than my life, because they would not treat anything less with any importance, and would ruin it as a result. Haiz. Whatever. My mind has been foggy for the past few days, I can't seem to think clearly or express myself clearly. So I've been hiding in my room, doing nothing in particular, and even when I did meet friends I was quiet and withdrawn and yearning to be back in my 'cave'. Although feeding the ducks was great fun. =) I wished you were here, too, to see the ducks clustered round, craning their necks, waiting for bread. To see them converge on the thrown bread, and the winner zipping off with the prize in his beak, dodging as the other ducks try to peck it from his beak. To see them jealously peck the ducks who got the bread, or who are sitting in prime positions. To see an impatient duck step on my foot to make me give it bread. To see them half waddle, half skid across the frozen pond surface. To hear their contented quacks as they settled down around me to digest their breakfast. Maybe, you'll come here next year and see for yourself, even though Uppsala isn't really a stop on any round-Europe trip.
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