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Wednesday, August 01, 2007 For the past three weeks, the dreams have been tiring. Running, fighting, searching for something that is forever just out of reach. Last night's dreams were tiring, and weird. And, perhaps, a reminder that things cannot be forced; that sometimes we strive so hard to get something, but when we do get it it feels hollow, wrong even, because we were so fixated on that goal that we've lost sight of what was really important. And today's one year to the day that I undertook what I feel is the most mature action I've made so far. Others might beg to differ, but I'd beaten all the possibilities to death and the one I chose offered the best chances. But that was probably the last right thing I did - since then my grades have slipped quite badly, and of the 5 goals I set for myself, I did not even accomplish a single one. People might say, you aim the stars to hit the moon. But I believe in setting goals that require just a bit of extra effort to succeed, that encourage myself to push my boundaries a bit and grow as a result. For the past year I buried my head in my shell; and when things hit me because I wasn't looking, I took that as reason to bury myself deeper, for longer. At least now I'm poking my head out and looking at the carnage and going "Oh **** what have I been doing?" So I'll try not to break any more things from now on.
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