Monday, February 26, 2007 And at the end of the day, I realise that I wasn't joking when I said that I'm picky. Very picky. Even though I used to think I was joking, that I am a really easygoing person. And actually my requirements look simple on paper, it is simply a matter of feeling. But feeling is abstract, and abstract things can be infinitely complex. And although I'm trying very hard -- it's like walking a tightrope, not too much one way or the other -- and sometimes things feel right, often things feel wrong, and it makes me doubt whether it will be sustainable in the long run. It has never been more apparent than right now, how impatient I am, and how stubborn and proud. I will not bend over backwards for anybody or anyone, I will not be subservient or the servant. I'm more than willing to meet halfway, but no further than that. Right now I feel like I'm bending over quite a bit, and my back is killing me. No worries lah, because there's nothing to worry about. I'll just keep at it until I get tired of it, and then I'll stop. Any less brings what-ifs, and I don't want any more of those. Any more brings regrets, and I think I've had enough of those, too. Who knows, things might work out in the end, because I've never been much good at predicting the future. I think it's a very man (no, not as in macho) thing to do, to want to keep troubles to oneself, rather than talk to people about it (haha grace, your personality dna seems quite accurate!). But, erm, a person's heart was made to pump blood, not keep secrets, so it's good for health to spit the bad blood out somewhere, whether it's a blog, a diary, or one's favourite soft toy. =P
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