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Friday, September 29, 2006 Positive feedback is a tad over-rated. A smile is enough to keep me going for quite a while. In less than 24 hours Windz will be on his way back to the UK. Our busy schedules this year meant we didn't really get a chance to meet up and chat much.. I'll definitely miss him, but I hope he'll make good use of his 3rd year abroad and enjoy his time there! regarding some things I have been less than honest.. I apologise, but I'm not ready to say anything out loud yet.. I supposed you did guess something was up ba.. but I'm still sorry that I wasn't completely honest with you.. hope you understand.. Being a captain is not as easy as some people made it out to be. Sure, I expected it to be tough, and I'd hoped that I was still up to the task. Now it turns out that things are a bit tougher than expected, and I fall short of my expectations (and maybe that of others as well). Who can teach me how to be a good captain? Who can tell me what I'm doing wrong, and how I can do it right/better? Wednesday, September 20, 2006 And it's amazing how everything can get turned on its head in the short span of a few hours. It reminds me of another time, when events seem to be going in fast-forward; every day, every hour, was jam-packed with things happening and happening and happening without pause, all significant, all special. Would the ending this time be pleasant, or another nightmare? Deep down, I'm actually a very insecure person. I constantly need assurance. Luckily there are people around me who do exactly that. Your confidence in me lends me wings. Thank you. Tuesday, September 19, 2006 真真假假，假假真真。 How much is truth, and how much illusion? How much is just a malignant manifestation of the heart and mind, and how much is rock that can stand the test of time? How much is merely a mirage, and how much is made up of more than refracted light? How to test it, other than staggering towards it, and hoping it never disappears into thin air? And is this post the product of a feverish brain, or is the fever a product of the thoughts encapsulated herein? What I thought was solid ground now seems to be thin ice, and I'm in no mood to be exhilarated by the thrill. Panadol, and some sleep, might clear my head. Monday, September 18, 2006 Been feeling a little down these past few days. No, don't worry, I'm not upset over anything in particular (although the mind tends to try and pin blame) . I'm just suddenly tired of being cheerful, weird as it might sound. Apologies to people I've met over the weekend.. I probably wasn't very entertaining. Anyway what goes down must come up.. and there're 4 more days left from Buaya Week! My buaya finally gave me something! While not quite what I expected (then again, I expected her to be a phantom haha), it is nevertheless nice to receive something out of the blue, so THANK YOU!! :) Friday, September 15, 2006 Norah Jones - Feelin' The Same Way The sun just slipped its note below my door And I can't hide beneath my sheets I've read the words before so now I know And I'm feelin' the same way all over again Feelin' the same way all over again Singin' the same lines all over again No matter how much I pretend Another day that I can't find my head My feet don't look like they're my own I'll try and find the floor below to stand I hope I reach it once again For time has come again for me And I'm feelin' the same way all over again Feelin' the same way all over again Singin' the same lines all over again Feelin' the same way all over again No matter how much I pretend Singin' the same lines all over again No matter how much I pretend So many times I wonder where I've gone And how I find my way back in I look around a while for something lost Maybe I'll find it in the end Feelin' the same way all over again And I'm feelin' the same way all over again Feelin' the same way all over again No matter how much I pretend Singin' the same lines all over again No matter how much I pretend Wednesday, September 13, 2006 "I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing" -- T. S. Eliot Indeed, what's happened over this past month has been better than I've expected. Perhaps, better even than what I've hoped for. And, apart from slapping myself occasionally to make sure I'm not dreaming, I must also continuously temper my hopes and expectations. Things don't always get better. They don't even always stay good. While I do still mourn the things I've had to let go of, had to sacrifice, the massive collateral damage and fallout, it is all thanks to everyone, family and friends, that I've never descended into despair or dejection. And now, with momentum picking up on all sides, the question I've had to ask myself most often is, "Am I ready to make the commitment? Am I up to it?" So I let myself be talked into first one thing and then another, deciding to be brave and take the step forward, to try my best and do something with my life. Now another such hurdle looms ahead, the same big one that I've tripped over before. Past which is the rabbit hole, a deep dark unknown, scary yet alluring. How deep does it go? What lies at the bottom? Am I brave enough to find out? All things can only be put off for so long. Friday, September 01, 2006
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