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Monday, May 29, 2006 In reference to point 6 in previous post.. Erm, I'm not saying anything about my dear granddaughter, just that if anyone had a right to make me feel like a nanny, she would. Anyway it's well and good to talk about my ideal girl; I have to make sure I deserve her, as well. And that, I think, is the harder task. Wednesday, May 24, 2006 Wah, Mystiara, this is your "something for me" ah.. Well, since you tagged me, I'll do it lor.. Sheesh. "This is for those who are tagged by me..this is wat u all hv to do, so enjoy :) if you have been tagged, you are to come up with seven qualities of your perfect lover. do specify the gender. then, list down and tag another seven bloggers on their pages. if you've been tagged, you need not do this again. lets start.... FEMALE 1. Mature/wise. So that I don't feel like I'm talking to a kid. Someone who understands things, understands the world. Someone who thinks, and ponders. 2. Love pets. Because I love them. If she can't stand them, she wouldn't be able to stand me, either. 3. Outgoing/adventurous. Someone who'll drag me out to do fun stuff with her. And who'll be game for the occasional fun stuff I come up with. 4. Moral. For want of a better word. Someone who will not hurt others for her own gain, who will not use underhand tactics to achieve her aims. Someone who'll try as much as possible not to hurt others. 5. Someone who listens. In other words, patient, i suppose. I know sometimes I tend to blabber on and on, but I think it's basic manners to pay attention when someone's talking. I don't mind straying eyes, because it is the ears that listen, but it gets upsetting when someone I'm talking to suddenly starts talking to someone else, while I'm in mid-sentence. 6. At least somewhat independent. Much as I enjoy helping people I love, I don't want to feel like I'm looking after a kid. Making me feel important is good, but making me feel like a parent is not. Unless you're my dear granddaughter. 7. Accepts me for what I am. And am not. This is the most important of the 7. For every 1 thing that I am, there are 10 that I am not. And for every 1 thing I attain, 10 more appear that are beyond my reach. Someone who wishes me to be more than I am, will kill both me and herself trying to make me fit in her mould. And I tag: 1. LY (especially after your latest post! wahaha) 2. dear granddaughter (for when you come back all charred from Africa, hehe) 3. Windz (come back quick leh, dun want to go ktv without u) 4. rJ (you can do it in chinese, if you like) 5. my bro (actually mystiara arrow you liao, lah! do once enough liao :) ) 6. JQ (it's been almost a month since you last blogged.. exams over yet?) 7. Alvinny (Bintan! Envy you sia) All in good fun, yah? I doubt anyone'll fulfill all 7; and anyone who does probably wouldn't be interested in me. Just an amusing little exercise of imagination. Sunday, May 21, 2006 Quote of the week: "I will hate the man you choose because he is not me, and love him if he makes you smile." -- Robert Jordan, "Eye of the World" Monday, May 15, 2006 2 girls from 超级女生 whose performance I really admire! 周笔畅. Her voice is really good, and she can sing guy songs also! Incredible voice range. Pity youtube doesn't have good clips of her. 张靓颖. She has a very good voice too, Christina Aguilera style. Pretty some more! And a rather nice person, if her blog's any good reflection (go find it yourself). Monday, May 08, 2006 《呼唤》歌词 （大长今 主题曲） 伊人欲来何时归来 伊人欲去何时离去 我欲乘风飞翔却遍寻不著伊人踪影 伊人何在留我独自失落 唉哟这该如何是好 伊人你若不归请带我一起离去 唉哟这该如何是好 伊人你若不归请带我一起离去 when they play the slow version, it sounds so sad it makes me wanna cry.. 心太軟 - 任賢齊 曲︰小蟲 詞︰小蟲 編︰CHRISTOPHER TROY ＊你總是心太軟 心太軟 獨自一個人流淚到天亮 你無怨無悔的愛著那個人 我知道你根本沒那麼堅強 ＃你總是心太軟 心太軟 把所有問題 都自己扛 相愛總是簡單 相處太難 不是你的 就別再勉強 ＋夜深了你還不想睡 你還在想著他嗎 你這樣癡情到底累不累 明知他不會回來安慰 只不過想好好愛一個人 可惜他無法給你滿分 多餘的犧牲 他不懂心疼 你應該不會只想做個好人 ％喔 算了吧 就這樣忘了吧 該放就放 再想也沒有用 傻傻等待 他也不會回來 你總該為自己想想未來 重唱 ＊,＃,＋,％,＊,＃ 不是你的 就別再勉強 (x3) Saturday, May 06, 2006 I think I'm being taken for granted. It's ok if people don't show up, but it's NOT ok when people merely SMS me 5 hours later to say that they "decided" to not turn up! I think I have been most forgiving, tolerant and understanding with you, and Heaven knows, I've been most severely and most often tested (yes, I understand you have been forgiving also, but STILL..). But it seems like I have been too nice, until you expect me to always forgive, tolerate and understand everything you do, no matter how much it hurts me. Your behavior this time, is something I wouldn't do, even for strangers. So it seems I'm even less than a stranger to you, that you treat me so. If that's how you view our relationship, why should I view it as anything more? *Deep breath* Anyway, blading alone on a weekday morning was actually..therapeutic. Today's weather was perfect, a very light drizzle, a cool breeze and an overcast sky. It was cool to be able to sing out loud as I whiz down the path, to be able to try crazy stuff and tumble all over the place. To be able to forget, for a short moment, that the world existed and things were still happening. I shall have to do this more often. ALONE. *Counts to 10* Luckily, the day carried on brilliantly. Watching the WP rally with friends was great fun. Having a picnic on the grass, listening to the fiery speeches, the enthu uncles and aunties beside us, observing the crowd, the waving flags that make it look like NDP, it was all really interesting and amusing. So was the movie we caught. "Election" (黑社会：以和为贵) was wonderful. HK Triad films rarely disappoint, I suppose. Louis Koo's character has so much to be admired: he is stoic, he does what has to be done, he can be compassionate, he has balls and nerves of steel, and he is very intelligent. But the movie was a very good depiction of greed, and manipulation, and the path of no return. Highly recommended! I just realised that the 6 of us (us 3, JQ, Windz and Jack) have never gone out together! But it'll be years before everyone gets to 归队.. Well when Windz comes back let's play mahjong, and sing karaoke, and have lots of fun. You guys are seriously the best! Friday, May 05, 2006 Matchbox 20 - Disease Feels like you made a mistake You made somebody's heart break And now I have to let you go I have to let you go You left a stain On every one of my good days But I am stronger than you know I have to let you go No one's ever turned you over No one's tried To ever let you down, Beautiful girl Bless your heart I got a disease Deep inside me Makes me feel uneasy baby I can't live without you Tell me what I am supposed to do about it Keep your distance from me Don't pay no attention to me I got a disease Feels like you're making a mess You're hell on wheels in a black dress You drove me to the fire And left me there to burn Every little thing you do is tragic All my life, all was magic Beautiful girl I can't breathe I got a disease Deep inside me Makes me feel uneasy baby I can't live without you Tell me what I am supposed to do about it Keep your distance from me Don't pay no attention to me I got a disease And well I think that I'm sick But leave me be while my world is coming down on me You taste like honey, honey Tell me can I be your honey Be, be strong Keep telling myself it that won't take long till I'm free of my disease Yeah well free of my disease Free of my disease Matchbox 20 - Unwell All day Staring at the ceiling Making friends with shadows on my wall All night Hearing voices telling me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for something Hold on I'm feeling like I'm headed for a Breakdown And I don't know why I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be Me Talking to myself in public Dodging glances on the train I know I know they've all been talking 'bout me I can hear them whisper And it makes me think there must be something wrong With me Out of all the hours thinking Somehow I've lost my mind I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be I been talking in my sleep Pretty soon they'll come to get me Yeah, they're taking me away I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be Hey, how I used to be How I used to be, yeah Well I'm just a little unwell How I used to be How I used to be Thursday, May 04, 2006 Linkin Park - By Myself What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams? And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? Do I sit here and try to stand it? Or do I try to catch them red-handed? Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin I make the right moves but I'm lost within I put on my daily facade but then I just end up getting hurt again By myself [myself] [x2] I ask why, but in my mind I find I can’t rely on myself [Chorus:] I can’t hold on To what I want when I’m stretched so thin It’s all too much to take in I can’t hold on To anything watching everything spin With thoughts of failure sinking in If I Turn my back I’m defenseless And to go blindly seems senseless If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they’ll Take from me ‘till everything is gone If I let them go I’ll be outdone But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer by myself [myself] [x2] I ask why, but in my mind I find I can’t rely on myself [Chorus] How do you think I’ve lost so much I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch How do you expect... I will know what to do When all I know Is what you tell me to [x2] Don’t you know I can’t tell you how to make it go No matter what I do, how hard I try I can’t seem to convince myself why I’m stuck on the outside [Chorus x2] Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away I've lied to you The same way that I always do This is the last smile That I'll fake for the sake of being with you (Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown Eventually break down) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (Everything has to end You'll soon find we're out of time left To watch it all unwind) The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see you're testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see your testing me pushes me away I've tried like you To do everything you wanted too This is the last time I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you (Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown Eventually break down) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (Everything has to end You'll soon find we're out of time left To watch it all unwind) The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see you're testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see you're testing me pushes me away (We're all out of time This is how we find how it all unwinds) The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (We're all out of time This is how we find how it all unwinds) The sacrifice is never knowing Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see you're testing me pushes me away Why I never walked away Why I played myself this way Now I see you're testing me pushes me away Pushes me away Eventful day today, received my first load of holiday work, had a nice haircut and had a really good talk with some really good friends. My haircut for the holidays is quite cool, really. Post a pic? Ah, you guys will get to see it when you get to see it. Do I really look like what's-his-name from 校园 Superstar? The one from-RI-who-is-super-unpopular-and-got-kicked-out-at-the-first-round-but-sings-quite-ok? Scary thought, that, I like to think I'm rather unique.. :P I hate being outside alone.. Because I run out of things to look at, without someone to talk to. Erm, can I impose a blanket ban on eating at Crystal Jade, pf and duane, so that i can go with you guys sometime next week? I'll try to get the car, but no promises.. Or can duane finally remember where's a fun place to go for dinner? Anyway it's just fun talking, though at times I think pf was bored.. were you? Next time we can talk more about 大长今 and anime, after I spend more time watching them :P I'm sorry you're upset.. I knew you would be, that's why I tried to keep my mouth shut and hoped things will work out by themselves.. I really tried. But it's time we stopped going round and round in circles, time for this movement to end, and the next to begin. Please get over it quickly, too. In pretty high spirits right now, it seems that I've been able to give myself a relatively clean slate to work with this time round. The letting go, the opening up, the speaking out, the moving back have all done me a fair bit of good. Just a few more loose ends to tie up, and I'll be ready to begin the rest of my life. The way I've held myself so far.. There have been moments I've been almost proud of myself, for really taking things like a man. Then there have been the moments when I've been overwhelmed, and I've looked down on myself for not taking things better. But I think I've grown older, and not because my features are more 'sunken', but because I try to imagine me from the past going through what I'm going through now (not that I haven't, some of it), and I know I would have made quite a hash of it. Definitely not the best-case ending, and not even a 'good'-case ending like this one I've salvaged for myself. Splurged a lot of money today, and even though there's the Progress Package to take care of that I really shouldn't, I have better plans for that amount of money. Lots of political talk today, but since this isn't that kind of blog, I'm going to refrain from commenting here. Yes, this is an air-my-grievances-and-make-silly-mundane-posts kind of blog, what else did you think it was? :P Hmm maybe I'll take a pic of my new hairdo, else my mom wouldn't get to see it, and wouldn't be able to replicate it! |
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