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Monday, January 31, 2005 "Anything screwed up that happens now makes ORD sweeter." -- Peter, 01S60 class blog. What sweet balm to my ears, coming at a most appropriate time: my off days this week have been cancelled due to a last-minute stock-take demand from Battalion HQ. <*=-----=*> As a commander, I've found it necessary at times to ask people to do things they do not like to do. Some of those things I demand of others, I would not do myself. However I ease my conscience by making sure of two things. One, I make sure I do the unpleasantness side-by-side with my men, unless I'm occupied elsewhere. Two, I make sure the unpleasantness is absolutely necessary and no better alternatives are available. Thus far my methods have worked for me, I have not heard complaints directly or indirectly from my men. I suppose others thrust with the responsibility of command would also face the same problems as I did, and probably handle them in similar manner. However, with the passage of time, will the strength of the 2 guidelines be eroded? Will commanders reach a stage where they become numb to the feelings of their men, having dished out unpleasantness for a very long time? It seems to me very probable that commanders eventually begin to consider all unpleasantness as necessary, being too busy or too lazy to even try to think up of better alternatives. They are also too busy or too lazy to join their men in the unpleasantness, and therefore fail to understand or to empathise with the bitterness of their men. The men are therefore condemned to a life of bitterness, with no hope of redress or reprieve and only each other for support and consolation. Why am I waxing such volumes about this issue? Because I can think of no other way to understand why perfectly nice and decent people, who privately can even be good friends, are capable at work of dishing out as much unpleasantness and bitterness. If I had to come up with one word to describe the unit's enlisted men and enlisted commanders (NSFs), it will be Resignation. Because that is what I see everywhere in the unit, it is what I eventually find in myself (after a series of reactions from bitterness -> incredulity -> resentment -> resignation). And I seriously wonder why it has to be like that. The answer I have found, above, is the one that makes the most sense to me, because I see how it can be possible even in me. It is a most depressing thought, mainly because there is nothing I or anybody can do about it. Tuesday, January 18, 2005 Exactly 2 months till I'm out of the army. I've begun making lists of things to do and things to buy once I begin clearing my leave. There is so much excitement and anticipation! I'm sure the rest of the guys are also busy making their own plans. But I will miss the platoon. For one rare time in my life I get along well with everybody, from platoon commander to men, and I will miss them as individuals and as a platoon, joking and working and sweating and cursing together. This seems to be forming a recurring theme in recent posts, a yearning for civilian and university life yet a tinge of sadness at leaving the army, leaving behind what for 2 years has been our world. If my camp allowed cameras I will take lots of photos, dozens and dozens of them, because photos do not just form a visual image, they are a catalyst for an entire experience. Looking at old photos, I can also smell, hear, feel and even taste the memories that they unlock. My platoon 2IC showed me the photos he took during a trip to Bangkok with his girlfriend. These photos hold, for him, the key to the memories of a wonderful trip, filled with joy and happiness and love, and he was smiling sweetly as he showed them one by one to me on his digital camera. I should have something to remind me of my 2 years in the army, too. Something more than the drab photos posed for a professional photographer. I'll bring in a camera on my last day. These memories are too precious to spend eternity locked away in a forgotten corner of my mind. Monday, January 10, 2005 Lifehouse - Everything ---------------------------- Find Me Here Speak To Me I want to feel you I need to hear you You are the light That's leading me To the place where I find peace again. You are the strength, that keeps me walking. You are the hope, that keeps me trusting. You are the light to my soul. You are my purpose...you're everything. How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? You calm the storms, and you give me rest. You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall. You steal my heart, and you take my breath away. Would you take me in? Take me deeper now? How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? Cause you're all I want, You're all I need You're everything, everything You're all I want, you're all I need You're everything, everything. You're all I want, you're all I need. You're everything, everything You're all I want, you're all I need you're everything, everything. And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? Would you tell me how could it be any better than this? Friday, January 07, 2005 My stay in the army is ending soon and I'm filled with anticipation and excitement. Plans have been made and will be executed once D-Day arrives. The prospects are promising and morale is high. Let the band strike up a merry tune and the people sing a happy song. The beginning of the rest of my life is almost here. --------------------- Waiting is the game I'm playing now. Waiting for Hearts of Iron 2 to hit the shelves here. Waiting for my sergeant to finally buy Football Manager 2005 for me, since he can get it at a discount. Waiting to ORD. Waiting for the next issue of Armchair General to appear in my mailbox. Waiting for next week, when I'm on forced leave (better than no leave), to finally ask people out for tea. Waiting for Day of Defeat: Source. Waiting for the National Library book sale this weekend (Anyone want to come along with me tomorrow?). Waiting for payday on the 10th. Et cetera... |
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