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Monday, September 20, 2004 I intended to launch into a tirade, to rant and rave and rail down the walls of Troy. I ran through the script once in my head and felt better after that. But fear not, you do not deserve the tirade, it is after all not your fault. But it's not really the fault of the guy who make me so furious, either. So I'll keep my rant to myself, and not pollute the air with my foul words. Anyway, ranting will only make me feel good for the short instant before I begin to feel guilty. Why is it that people do not bother to praise the things I do right, but find every chance to complain about the things I do wrong? I am like that sometimes, myself, but I am aware of that and I'm still trying to change. I believe one has no right to unabashedly criticise another unless one is convinced that he cna do it better. In which case, he should just do it, and save the criticism. Because everyone can see for himself, whether he likes it or not, and actions speak louder than words. At the very least, criticism should be constructive. Therefore on hindsight I have every right to feel aggrieved. Because I was subjected to something I would never do to anybody else. I would never offer blatant criticism of what went wrong, unless I think the person ain't aware that he is wrong. I would never offer criticism without being constructive. I would never offer that criticism in front of others, for I know that would shame the person and embarrass the others. If I ever do so to any of you, you have the right to give me a tight slap. Therefore, I would not be the silent victim of such an assault. Oops, have I ranted? Oh, bemoan the impulsiveness of men, who let their emotions control their actions! I am angry. Justifiably, I feel. Although I do regret what I did say in a moment of anger and embarrassment. No, I did not insult him in return. I said, "If you think you can do a better job, you're welcome to take over." Meaning that he has no right to criticise me unless he thinks he can do better, and if he thought so I dared him to prove it. I'd already seen once how that statement would result in utter defeat and speechlessness for the one who spoke it. Even a rant would have achieved a better effect. I should have said sorry, and let it go, of course, but I was sick and tired of being sorry for trying my best, for doing jobs beyond my job scope, for putting effort beyond what is needed, for suffering in silence with no show of gratitude, no word of thanks. The least I needed was criticism. My PC was nice enough not to scold me, so what makes him think he has the right? Oops, I did it again. Sadly I am most prolific in writing when I'm caught by negative emotions. I have taken happiness for granted, that is why unhappiness makes me even more unhappy, until I am caught up by this vicious cycle that eats inside of me and makes me lose control of myself. Whew. I think I'll feel better after dinner.
Comments:
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
-Bill Cosby As long as you did your best then to hell with those who don't appritiate it. Anger is not a bad emotion in and of itself...only when it is used for a bad purpose. ;)
there is no morality or decency that we can expect anyone to adhere to. the loud, aggressive and crude know that they have superiority over the less vicious people and will foist all kinds of things on them, for they know that the latter is more tolerant, and unwilling to engage in protracted and fierce arguments on their level. and so they dispense with responses and logic and kindness, while claiming all the rewards, offs and praise that you have worked for. there are no rules here, nor off limits for insults and criticism.
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out in the military at least, you have to stay low and wage war without a face. expect no quarter until you get back to civilisation. -trav # posted by
 : 23/9/04 8:41 am |
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